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raysgalTitle: Because of the Times
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
raysgal
Fandom: RPF - Pundits
Pairing/characters: Jon Stewart/Stephen Colbert, Amy Sedaris, Paul Dinello, Steve Carell, John Oliver, Jason Jones, Keith Olbermann, Denis Leary, Rachel Maddow and a cavalcade of others
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.
Prompt: #1672 RPF - Pundits, Jon Stewart/Stephen Colbert, Established relationship (either wifeless AU or post-divorce). Jon and Stephen decide to come out and announce they're getting married/having a commitment ceremony during an episode of The Daily Show (either pre-TCR or a special crossover episode of TDS). Everyone assumes it's a joke until they actually go through with it. How do they deal with the reactions of their friends, co-workers, and the media? How does the new media scrutiny affect their personal and professional lives, and how does it impact their show(s)?
Summary: Coming out involved more than they were prepared for.
Warning:Some chapters contain sexual content, language, angst
Author's Notes: References to this and this TDS clip and this Olbermann clip.
Super awesome thank yous tokick_back_80s, anais_rhys, rikimae and rehime who all contributed to making this fic work.
I also apologize for the length, but once I started writing there was almost no stopping.
“Jon, scratch that. This has already gotten interesting,” Stephen said as they barely walked into their suite. “We’re going on Oprah and staying in one of Trump’s forgotten hotel rooms.”
“Would you mind moving?” Amy asked pushing her luggage against Stephen’s legs. “I’d like to get inside.”
“Sorry,” Stephen replied. He moved to the left then disappeared through an open door as Jon went right still gaping a bit at the room. Amy came in with Paul behind her. They both stopped and stared at the expansive suite.
“I think this is just the living room,” Paul stated.
“You guys have to check out this bathroom,” Stephen interjected as he came out of the room he had wandered into. “I think the bathtub is a Jacuzzi.”
“We don’t have time to soak,” Jon told him. “We probably barely have time to sleep.”
“Bedroom!” Stephen shouted. “Jon and I get the bedroom.”
“You really think Paul and I would be so underhanded as to try and rob you two of the bedroom?” Amy asked innocently. Stephen gave her a look.
“Yes. Yes, I do. I’ve known you far too long to think otherwise.”
“He’s on to us,” Paul staged whispered. Amy giggled.
“Actually, there are two bedrooms.”
Everyone turned around to look at the smartly dressed African American woman standing in the doorway. She held a clipboard and had a Bluetooth earpiece in her right ear. She looked at her clipboard then back up.
“I assume everyone is here. Jon Stewart?” She looked at Jon. “Stephen Colbert?” She peered around the door a bit and was greeted with a small wave. “And Amy Sedaris and Paul Dinello?”
“That’s us,” Amy said. “And you are?”
“I’m your assistant for the time being. Your liaison to Oprah. My name is Sheila Norwood. I will brief you on what’s going to happen and then take you to meet Oprah tonight for dinner before the show tomorrow. This isn’t going to be like a typical show so we’d appreciate it if everything could go smoothly.”
“We’d like the same thing, Ms. Norwood,” Jon replied.
“Great,” Sheila replied. “Now, as I said there are two bedrooms. The door over near the terrace is for the Master, which has its own bathroom, and the over here…” She pointed to the wooden door just to the right of the large couch, “leads into the other one. Both are nice. Should you have any problems with the suite call management and they’ll take care of it.”
“We kinda noticed the paparazzi started appearing downstairs when we got here,” Jon started. “Are they going to be a problem?”
“They aren’t allowed into the hotel unless it’s someone with the press you’ve approved,” Sheila answered. “However, that’s not going to stop them because we all know how tenacious they can be.” She looked back at her clipboard. “You don’t seem to have requested any press so you shouldn’t technically be bothered by any of them. I can only tell you to take care should you leave the hotel on your own.”
“You’re efficient,” Stephen commented.
“You have to be to work for Ms. Winfrey,” Sheila stated with a small smile. “Now, how long do you think it’ll take you all to be ready for dinner?”
“I know I need a shower,” Amy said.
“That’ll take at least two hours,” Paul muttered only to receive an elbow to the ribs.
“Then I will be back here in two and a half hours,” Sheila replied after a quick glance at her watch. “Mostly because it does take a few minutes to find a restaurant in Chicago to take over and Ms. Winfrey does need some time to get ready herself.”
“Sounds good,” Jon responded. “Thank you.”
“Don’t thank me. This was all Ms. Winfrey. Tell her when you see her. I just follow her orders.”
“Still,” Jon said. “It’s appreciated.”
He had to hide a grin at the embarrassed expression he managed to get from the woman.
“Thank you,” she replied. Sheila straightened up. “Now, two and a half hours. No longer.” She left the room, closing the door behind her.
“And with that the shower is mine,” Amy stated, grabbing her bag then walking past Stephen to go into the bathroom. She closed the door with a wave.
“I call the other shower,” Stephen announced before rushing across the room to the room he and Jon were going to stay in.
“You know to save time you should probably join him,” Paul suggested to Jon.
“Good point.” Jon turned to leave when he looked back at Paul. “Am I the only one who finds this a little bizarre?”
“Depends on what you mean by bizarre,” Paul returned. “You have met Stephen, right? And then there’s Amy. So, really, my definition of bizarre is probably quite different from yours.”
“Fine. It’s surreal. We’re about to be on Oprah doing a live show to talk about everything that’s happened.”
“I think I’ll have to agree with you on the surreal thing,” Paul told him. “If anyone would have told me I’d be on Oprah talking about my best friend’s marriage I would have thought you were kidding. If you had said Springer or Dr. Phil I might have believed you, but Oprah?” Paul shook his head. “I’m kinda waiting to wake up from the dream I seem to be in.”
“I’m actually afraid of looking like an idiot,” Jon said. “I usually joke about that, but I think tomorrow there’s a definitely possibility it could happen.”
“Then don’t think about it too hard,” Paul replied. “Otherwise you’re not going to be able to sleep, you’ll piss off the make-up people and then look like an idiot.”
“Good point,” Jon responded. “At least if I do I have a couple of people to back me up.”
“Yeah, but this is your thing, Jon. Amy and I can put in our two cents whenever it looks like you’re wavering, but in the end it’s really up to you and Stephen. Everyone is going to want to know your opinion. Not what two semi-successful actor-writers who just happen to be there as well think.”
“Well, I care about what you think,” Jon told him. Paul gave him a small smile. “So, thank you for being behind us on this. Even if no one else notices that you’re there. It means a lot to me. And I know it means a lot to Stephen.”
“If it means so much to Stephen then maybe you can remind him when my birthday comes around that he owes me big time. None of this going out for drinks crap. I’m talking like billboard in Times Square or something along the lines of a hot air balloon ride.”
“You want to go up in a hot air balloon?”
“No, but if I say something like that then he’ll start thinking along those lines and I may actually get something more than I expected. Kind of like the time I mentioned I wanted a really nice watch and instead I ended up with a grandfather clock for my apartment.”
“The one up gift,” Jon murmured. “I know it well. I will certainly mention that to him. It’s the least I can do.”
“Actually, the least you can do is continue to make my best friend happy, but I’ll settle for the gift reminder.”
Jon chuckled in response.
****
“So, then there’s Paul looking like he’s been through a monsoon and a tornado, but all he’s concerned about is the damn dog,” Amy said. “The dog, of course, is fine, but Paul’s got a cracked rib, a swollen ankle and a chunk out of neck. The fire department is amused and all the police want to do is give him a ticket for causing so much trouble. In the end they settled for some free tickets and Paul kept the dog.”
“He was a good dog,” Paul stated.
“He didn’t eat your shoes,” Stephen pointed out.
“I bought you more,” Paul replied.
“Guys, I don’t think Oprah Winfrey wants to hear about the shoe thing,” Jon interjected.
“Oh, it’s fine,” Oprah informed them from her spot between Jon and Amy. “We couldn’t exactly get to all the serious stuff without first sharing some stories. It actually helps me get to know you all better. You know that, Jon. It’s what we did during our invasion of your home.”
“Jon kinda likes to forget about that,” Stephen informed her from his spot on Jon’s left. “He thought the whole thing was a little embarrassing.”
“Jon, there was nothing to be embarrassed about,” Oprah replied.
“Too late for that,” Jon muttered.
“Then maybe we should talk about tomorrow’s show,” Oprah suggested. “You all know the whole show is just going to be about Jon and Stephen’s marriage. Whatever you feel needs to be said should be said. Tell the audience what has happened. Tell them how you feel. Share it all. If it any time you think it’s going to far or there’s something you don’t want to talk about just say so.”
“What about the audience?” Stephen asked.
“What about them?” Oprah returned.
“Can they ask questions?” Stephen replied. “Because I think that’s the biggest problem here. Our actions and our words have been twisted because people like them haven’t been able to talk to us directly. And doing you’re show is the closest thing to a press conference we want to get to.”
“I can’t control their questioning,” Oprah told them. “You may get something that makes you uncomfortable.”
“Then we’ll answer it,” Jon responded with a shrug. “It’s not like they’re out there with fire and pitchforks. They have a right to ask questions and voice concerns. We aren’t going to deny them that.”
“Worse case scenario we’ll sic Amy on them,” Stephen suggested looking over at his friend.
“You’ll never hear from them again,” Amy stated.
“I think it’s wonderful you and Paul came, Amy,” Oprah said. “Did you and Paul know from the beginning Jon and Stephen were doing this?”
“No,” Paul answered. “It wasn’t until Jon came to us about the engagement party did we start knowing anything. We knew they were together. We helped them move in. We spent the occasional weekend together, but the whole marriage thing took us by surprise. It was definitely something I never expected.”
“Why is that?”
“Because Jon didn’t think it was necessary,” Amy added. “He loved Stephen. He was living with Stephen. They fought about stupid stuff and big things, they took turns making dinner, they were a couple. He didn’t care what some piece of paper said. And he really didn’t like the idea of a ring.”
“One ring to bind us,” Stephen murmured playing with his band while glancing at Jon. Jon gave him a bemused expression. “Well, now it’s two, but they totally bind us. And we’re definitely on a journey of some kind. We do have a band of some kind. I just don’t know what Mordor is exactly and there isn’t a Gollum. So…” Stephen shrugged.
“Only you would compare all this to that,” Jon commented. “Thank you.”
“For what?”
“Being you.”
“I’m good at that. I’ve had years of practice.” Jon smiled before kissing Stephen’s nose.
“See?” Amy said looking at Oprah. “You almost can’t tell they’ve been together for six years. They still act like they’re dating by doing cute shit like that. Makes me jealous. Those assholes who think they’re making fun of marriage, gay rights or anything else except the news or government’s stupidity should really take a lesson from them.”
“What would that lesson be?”
“That if you keep taking things too seriously then you won’t be able to live your life. You can’t let loose if you’re so concerned with what everyone else thinks. Jon and Stephen only want to live their life so they shared a moment with everyone hoping to prove that it didn’t matter how they did live their life. Those super serious people took it the wrong way and made them an example of everything that is wrong when they’re really an example of everything that is right.”
“Exactly,” Paul agreed. “They stood up for their rights to do something that’s only legal in so few places, which is wrong. It should have never been about legality and hiding. If people had a problem with it they could do what most people do and just ignore it. The government seems to do a pretty good job of that at times. If they don’t like it or knows it violates something they just ignore it and hope it’ll go away.”
“What our hope is now is that President Obama will try to right some of these things,” Jon put in. “It may be a bad idea to place all our eggs in one basket, but he really wants to change stuff around. I may not agree with all of his ideas, but I can do that. I can disagree with him because it’s my right to do so. Just like it should be right to marry whoever you want, but that seems to be today’s equivalent slavery. Only on a smaller scale. Maybe that was just a bad comparison.” He shook his head and gave Oprah an apologetic smile. “Sorry. It’s been a long couple of weeks.”
“No. It’s fine. I think I understand what you’re saying.” The talk show host took Jon’s left hand that was sitting on the table. She squeezed it gently giving him a reassuring expression. “You’re a good man, Jon. You’ve worked hard to get where you are and now people want to take away a part of your life. That’s not fair to anyone.”
“Well, I don’t think it’s fair Jon is stealing all the Oprah action,” Stephen interjected. Light laughter filled their dining area in the restaurant.
“You’re just jealous you’re not getting the attention,” Jon replied.
“Of course I am.”
“Don’t worry,” Jon told him. “I’ll give you plenty of attention later.”
Stephen grinned.
“Maybe we should head back to the hotel,” Paul suggested as he stood with a yawn. “I’m so wiped and we’ve got the show tomorrow.”
“You’re right,” Oprah said standing as well. The others quickly followed suit. “I forgot for a moment you all just got here. Everyone does happen to need a few hours of sleep.”
“Just a few,” Amy agreed with a grin. “Thanks for dinner.”
“Oh, it was my pleasure,” Oprah replied. “I wish we could have done it under more pleasant circumstances. Maybe when this is all over we can get together and have dinner again.”
“Come to New York and do my show,” Stephen responded. “If I ever get my show back. If I do you should totally come on.”
“Get in line. I’m booking her first,” Jon told him.
“Just because you’re a year older doesn’t mean you claim everything because you are older.”
“You wouldn’t even have a show if it weren’t for me.”
“Ow, Jon. That hurts. That really hurts.” Stephen put a hand over his heart and his bottom lip began to tremble. “I thought you loved me.”
“I do love you, you overdramatic son of a bitch.”
“You know I think I have some kind of say in this,” Oprah put in. Both men looked at her. “And I say that we get some sleep and discuss this later. I need you all rested for tomorrow. I want to hear everything you all said here tonight on the show.”
“Including the bit about my insane jealousy over you giving Jon more attention that me?” Stephen teased.
“If you must,” Oprah said with put upon expression before smiling.
“I’d put money on it,” Amy muttered.
****
Jon stared up at the ceiling in the hotel bedroom. He knew Stephen had fallen asleep at least an hour ago if the slowed breathing was any indication. It should have been easy to do the same after the plane trip where slight time travelled had been achieved, dinner with Oprah and the activity Stephen involved him in shortly after coming back to the hotel room. Except sleep wasn’t coming and he could only stare at the darkened ceiling listening to Stephen breath in and out.
Then a new sound reached his ears. The sound of his cell phone vibrating on the table next to his half of the bed. Stephen snorted as if he heard it, but didn’t wake. Jon snatched it up took a glance at the caller ID then quickly slipped out of the bed and left the room.
“Denis, what the hell are you doing calling me at three in the morning?” Jon asked as walked into the darkened living room. He quickly found a lamp to turn on before sitting down.
“I’m awake,” Denis answered.
“That’s great,” Jon replied. “Why are you calling me though?”
“Because I knew you would be too.”
“Denis, come on. I don’t have time to go around in circles with you.”
“Fine. I called to apologize.”
“Apologize? What for?”
“Being an asshole.”
“You must call people daily then,” Jon retorted.
“I meant about your whole marriage thing. I never doubted that you loved Colbert. I just thought you were doing the wrong thing, but it was the right thing apparently. You didn’t deserve any of this crap people decided to dish out. I was just another asshole who felt it was my duty to dump on you.”
“What’s new about that?” Jon asked.
“Listen, I’m apologizing. I only give about three of these out a year. Maybe four if I forgot to get a present for someone I actually like. So, either take the apology or don’t. I honestly could care less. I just wanted to let you know though that I was wrong. I’m willing to admit this. On the phone. At three in the morning. Partially drunk.”
“Ah, the catalyst,” Jon said. “You always needed a little in you to find that human side, didn’t you?”
“Hey, stuff it, Stewart. I remember a time when you needed to be a little spacey before partaking in extracurricular activities. Apparently, all you need now is some guy with an elf ear who acts like a fucking puppy most of the time.”
“Be nice, Denis. That’s my husband you’re talking about.”
“I never thought I’d hear you say that,” Denis responded. “I’m actually a little jealous of the guy. Don’t tell him though. He doesn’t need that ego inflated more than it already is.”
“I won’t.”
“And good luck on the show tomorrow. I hope it gets you the results you’re looking for.”
“Thanks, man.”
“Yeah, that’s about as sentimental as I’m going to get right now. So, go fuck yourself and I’ll see you the next time I’m in the neighborhood.”
“Bye, Denis.”
“See ya, Stewart.”
Jon hung up and stared at his cell phone for a moment. A need to get back into bed and curl up under the covers with Stephen slowly began to make its way into Jon’s brain. He stood, turned off the lamp and headed back into the bedroom. It took a little time and some reassurance from his subconscious, but he did finally manage to fall asleep with his legs intertwined with Stephen’s.
****
The first part of Oprah’s show went much like it had when the group had been talking at the restaurant with Oprah the night before. Jon and Stephen talked about how they came to their decision and what they thought of everything that came out of it. Paul and Amy jumped in with extra details and their part in it all. The second half of the show became about the audience and what they wanted to know about things the four hadn’t shared.
“I want to know when you two realized you were gay. How did your families take it?”
“Oh, that’s a good question,” Stephen commented. “I pretty much figured it out in high school. I wasn’t interested in the cheerleaders. I tried to be. That’s where I met Charlene. Not her real name, but she is the one I did write the song about. She was helpful. I owe her a lot. It wasn’t until I got into Second City though did I decide to come out to my family. So around 1990 I told my mom and she just smiled and hugged me. That’s practically what they all did. It helped that I was with Paul at the time.”
“I was there too,” Amy put in. A light chuckle went through the audience. “His mom was awesome about the whole thing. We were expecting some yelling and disownment, but instead it just turned into a big party.”
“It’s almost like they were expecting it,” Stephen said. “At least that’s what my mom said when I called her and said I was marrying Jon. I honestly don’t know how to faze that woman, but I guess after having so many kids nothing really can.”
“Your mom is great,” Jon added. “She didn’t start crying like my mom. I was a late bloomer. I’m actually bisexual, but Stephen was the only one I ever felt like I could spend the rest of my life with. My mom expected me to marry some nice Jewish girl and instead she got a nice Catholic man with a penchant for dressing like a girl.”
“That was like twice,” Stephen objected. “I’m not a cross dresser. And I have absolutely nothing against them. I just lost the figure a while back. Though I still look good in a pair of heels.” He lifted up his right pant leg and flexed his calf muscles. “Look at that. How can I avoid showing that off?”
“Thank you, Stephen,” Oprah said. “Next question.” She pointed to a young woman in a Loyola sweatshirt. “Yes?”
“I want to know what you two are going to do if Comedy Central decides to actually cancel your shows.”
“We aren’t really sure right now,” Jon admitted. “I’m actually a little more worried about the people who did the shows with us. The correspondents, producers, the writers and the crew. They’ve been sitting on their hands with our shows on hiatus and right now are practically being blacklisted because of us. I’d like them to have some kind of future. What happens to myself and Stephen doesn’t really matter at the moment. We love our shows, but if they don’t want us back then I’m sure there are a number of other networks that will take us or we could always do our own thing. There’s no urgency to that right now. I also feel bad for the fans if they do cancel us because they helped make our shows what they are. They’re the ones that got Stephen a bridge in Hungary and they were the ones who have been supporting us so much during this time.”
“I really do love our fans,” Stephen stated. “As willing as they are to listen to my alter ego they are also people who feel passionate about what has happened. I’ve been so surprised at hearing what they’ve done to support us. I really shouldn’t be, but I still am. If anything I’d like to shake each of their hands personally. They may just have to settle for large thank you card though.” He looked at Jon before turning back to the young woman. “And like Jon said we aren’t making any decisions right now about future projects. There’s an endless number of possibilities, but I do hope that Comedy Central and Viacom will take us back. We’ve spent over ten years there making fun of people, the government and the president I’d hate to think what would happen without us.”
“Anarchy,” Paul said. “I definitely see anarchy.”
“Ma’am,” Oprah said as she pointed to an older woman in a red sweater sitting in the front row.
“This is for Paul and Amy.”
“Yay. Question.” Amy bounced in her seat as Paul gently patted her head.
“Were you surprised?”
“About what?” Amy asked.
“Any of it.”
“Actually, we really weren’t,” Paul replied. “The marriage thing had been tossed around the moment they moved in together after about the second year, but even despite Jon shooting it down it always kinda hung in there. And the other thing is that I’ve stopped being that surprised or astonished with anything Stephen has done.”
“Thanks,” Stephen muttered with an eyeroll followed by a grin.
“I mean that you’ve always been destined for great things,” Paul informed him. “I think that’s why I really hated you when we first met. I could tell you would succeed. That you would keep raising the bar making it difficult for people to catch up and then you met Jon and you two almost became unstoppable. I get flabbergasted at the things you get people to do though. You have an ability to get people to do things they would normally never do. Like the time you got Jon to jump out of a plane.”
“I still haven’t forgiven him for that.”
“I remember that trip,” Amy said. She bounced in her seat. “We were in Las Vegas for a little getaway. Stephen wanted to do something different than just gambling and gawking at the gaudiness that is Las Vegas. Somehow we got to the parachuting thing and the next day we’re jumping out a plane. Jon yelled at Stephen all the way down. Definitely one of my favorite trips.” She smiled at Jon who frowned back before focusing back on the woman who asked the question. “But like Paul said we really weren’t that surprised. Just excited about the planning. It had to be so precise. It was all a challenge and we gladly accepted it.”
“Yes, sir?” Oprah pointed to a gentleman near the back wearing a blue polo and khakis.
“I’d like to know what you expect to happen after this. Is your ultimate goal to change the mind of an entire nation?”
“No,” Jon replied. “You can think whatever you want. You can be anti-gay or pro-gay. I could really care less. I don’t want to change minds. I just don’t want people standing in front of crowds trying to convince them homosexuals or bisexuals or anyone who loves people differently from just the typical man and woman marriage are destroying this nation. I can list books filled with things that have put people at odds in America long before the thoughts concerning homosexuality or bisexuality or transgenderism even crossed people’s minds.
“Do you realize we had a war about slavery right here? Half of this country wanted it and half of it didn’t. Brothers were pitted against each other to fight a battle they may not have even wanted to be in. I don’t want that. I hate finding out about people who have to hide because they know their family will disown them because their family members believe some of the crap that comes out of people’s mouths.”
Jon stood up and moved a bit towards the edge of the stage.
“Do you think it’s a disease? Because it’s not. You can’t catch it. Do you think its destroying society? It’s not. Society has other problems like gangs, drugs and poverty where there should be any. Do you think homosexual parents force their ideals on their children? They don’t. They just raise their kids in the best way they know and love their kids for whatever decision they make about their orientation.” Jon glanced back at Stephen before looking back at the audience. “Stephen and I aren’t going to try and change everyone’s mind. We just want people to think a minute. Consider what it would be like to be in our shoes. We were hurt with more than just words because of what we believed in, but we were the lucky ones because we’ve been able to come here and talk about it. There are those who never got that opportunity. There are those others speak on the behalf of them. We’re speaking for ourselves and for them.”
Jon jumped a little as he felt a hand slide into his left one. He looked to his left and Stephen smiled at him.
“We just want what everyone else has,” Stephen said. “We just want to be able to love each other. It shouldn’t matter that we’re both the same gender. It shouldn’t matter that there’s a label. We’re all still people no matter what. Unless you happen to be an alien from outer space, but if you’re here and you’re happy as a human being then I wish you the best of luck.”
Jon smirked at the light laughter from the audience.
“All we ask is for acceptance,” Stephen continued. “Accept us for what who we are. And if you can’t accept us then that’s fine. But doing that because of a few facts that are utterly unfounded is wrong. As Jon said that’s how much of this started. That’s why feuds and wars often began. It’s how people are unfairly hurt and forced to hide who they are. Keep in mind it’s not just adults you’re hurting. There are confused kids out there and one might even be yours. Talk to them. Let them be who they think they are and don’t ever punish them for that.”
The audience broke into applause and Jon didn’t think he deserved it, but he stood there with Stephen next to him trying to compute everything.
“Even if nothing comes out of this we’ll have some interesting memories,” Stephen spoke into Jon’s ear.
“I can accept that,” Jon returned.
He didn’t hear Oprah announce a commercial break as Stephen kissed him without warning, but Jon definitely wasn’t going to complain.
Author:
raysgalFandom: RPF - Pundits
Pairing/characters: Jon Stewart/Stephen Colbert, Amy Sedaris, Paul Dinello, Steve Carell, John Oliver, Jason Jones, Keith Olbermann, Denis Leary, Rachel Maddow and a cavalcade of others
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.
Prompt: #1672 RPF - Pundits, Jon Stewart/Stephen Colbert, Established relationship (either wifeless AU or post-divorce). Jon and Stephen decide to come out and announce they're getting married/having a commitment ceremony during an episode of The Daily Show (either pre-TCR or a special crossover episode of TDS). Everyone assumes it's a joke until they actually go through with it. How do they deal with the reactions of their friends, co-workers, and the media? How does the new media scrutiny affect their personal and professional lives, and how does it impact their show(s)?
Summary: Coming out involved more than they were prepared for.
Warning:Some chapters contain sexual content, language, angst
Author's Notes: References to this and this TDS clip and this Olbermann clip.
Super awesome thank yous to
kick_back_80s, anais_rhys, rikimae and rehime who all contributed to making this fic work.I also apologize for the length, but once I started writing there was almost no stopping.
“Jon, scratch that. This has already gotten interesting,” Stephen said as they barely walked into their suite. “We’re going on Oprah and staying in one of Trump’s forgotten hotel rooms.”
“Would you mind moving?” Amy asked pushing her luggage against Stephen’s legs. “I’d like to get inside.”
“Sorry,” Stephen replied. He moved to the left then disappeared through an open door as Jon went right still gaping a bit at the room. Amy came in with Paul behind her. They both stopped and stared at the expansive suite.
“I think this is just the living room,” Paul stated.
“You guys have to check out this bathroom,” Stephen interjected as he came out of the room he had wandered into. “I think the bathtub is a Jacuzzi.”
“We don’t have time to soak,” Jon told him. “We probably barely have time to sleep.”
“Bedroom!” Stephen shouted. “Jon and I get the bedroom.”
“You really think Paul and I would be so underhanded as to try and rob you two of the bedroom?” Amy asked innocently. Stephen gave her a look.
“Yes. Yes, I do. I’ve known you far too long to think otherwise.”
“He’s on to us,” Paul staged whispered. Amy giggled.
“Actually, there are two bedrooms.”
Everyone turned around to look at the smartly dressed African American woman standing in the doorway. She held a clipboard and had a Bluetooth earpiece in her right ear. She looked at her clipboard then back up.
“I assume everyone is here. Jon Stewart?” She looked at Jon. “Stephen Colbert?” She peered around the door a bit and was greeted with a small wave. “And Amy Sedaris and Paul Dinello?”
“That’s us,” Amy said. “And you are?”
“I’m your assistant for the time being. Your liaison to Oprah. My name is Sheila Norwood. I will brief you on what’s going to happen and then take you to meet Oprah tonight for dinner before the show tomorrow. This isn’t going to be like a typical show so we’d appreciate it if everything could go smoothly.”
“We’d like the same thing, Ms. Norwood,” Jon replied.
“Great,” Sheila replied. “Now, as I said there are two bedrooms. The door over near the terrace is for the Master, which has its own bathroom, and the over here…” She pointed to the wooden door just to the right of the large couch, “leads into the other one. Both are nice. Should you have any problems with the suite call management and they’ll take care of it.”
“We kinda noticed the paparazzi started appearing downstairs when we got here,” Jon started. “Are they going to be a problem?”
“They aren’t allowed into the hotel unless it’s someone with the press you’ve approved,” Sheila answered. “However, that’s not going to stop them because we all know how tenacious they can be.” She looked back at her clipboard. “You don’t seem to have requested any press so you shouldn’t technically be bothered by any of them. I can only tell you to take care should you leave the hotel on your own.”
“You’re efficient,” Stephen commented.
“You have to be to work for Ms. Winfrey,” Sheila stated with a small smile. “Now, how long do you think it’ll take you all to be ready for dinner?”
“I know I need a shower,” Amy said.
“That’ll take at least two hours,” Paul muttered only to receive an elbow to the ribs.
“Then I will be back here in two and a half hours,” Sheila replied after a quick glance at her watch. “Mostly because it does take a few minutes to find a restaurant in Chicago to take over and Ms. Winfrey does need some time to get ready herself.”
“Sounds good,” Jon responded. “Thank you.”
“Don’t thank me. This was all Ms. Winfrey. Tell her when you see her. I just follow her orders.”
“Still,” Jon said. “It’s appreciated.”
He had to hide a grin at the embarrassed expression he managed to get from the woman.
“Thank you,” she replied. Sheila straightened up. “Now, two and a half hours. No longer.” She left the room, closing the door behind her.
“And with that the shower is mine,” Amy stated, grabbing her bag then walking past Stephen to go into the bathroom. She closed the door with a wave.
“I call the other shower,” Stephen announced before rushing across the room to the room he and Jon were going to stay in.
“You know to save time you should probably join him,” Paul suggested to Jon.
“Good point.” Jon turned to leave when he looked back at Paul. “Am I the only one who finds this a little bizarre?”
“Depends on what you mean by bizarre,” Paul returned. “You have met Stephen, right? And then there’s Amy. So, really, my definition of bizarre is probably quite different from yours.”
“Fine. It’s surreal. We’re about to be on Oprah doing a live show to talk about everything that’s happened.”
“I think I’ll have to agree with you on the surreal thing,” Paul told him. “If anyone would have told me I’d be on Oprah talking about my best friend’s marriage I would have thought you were kidding. If you had said Springer or Dr. Phil I might have believed you, but Oprah?” Paul shook his head. “I’m kinda waiting to wake up from the dream I seem to be in.”
“I’m actually afraid of looking like an idiot,” Jon said. “I usually joke about that, but I think tomorrow there’s a definitely possibility it could happen.”
“Then don’t think about it too hard,” Paul replied. “Otherwise you’re not going to be able to sleep, you’ll piss off the make-up people and then look like an idiot.”
“Good point,” Jon responded. “At least if I do I have a couple of people to back me up.”
“Yeah, but this is your thing, Jon. Amy and I can put in our two cents whenever it looks like you’re wavering, but in the end it’s really up to you and Stephen. Everyone is going to want to know your opinion. Not what two semi-successful actor-writers who just happen to be there as well think.”
“Well, I care about what you think,” Jon told him. Paul gave him a small smile. “So, thank you for being behind us on this. Even if no one else notices that you’re there. It means a lot to me. And I know it means a lot to Stephen.”
“If it means so much to Stephen then maybe you can remind him when my birthday comes around that he owes me big time. None of this going out for drinks crap. I’m talking like billboard in Times Square or something along the lines of a hot air balloon ride.”
“You want to go up in a hot air balloon?”
“No, but if I say something like that then he’ll start thinking along those lines and I may actually get something more than I expected. Kind of like the time I mentioned I wanted a really nice watch and instead I ended up with a grandfather clock for my apartment.”
“The one up gift,” Jon murmured. “I know it well. I will certainly mention that to him. It’s the least I can do.”
“Actually, the least you can do is continue to make my best friend happy, but I’ll settle for the gift reminder.”
Jon chuckled in response.
****
“So, then there’s Paul looking like he’s been through a monsoon and a tornado, but all he’s concerned about is the damn dog,” Amy said. “The dog, of course, is fine, but Paul’s got a cracked rib, a swollen ankle and a chunk out of neck. The fire department is amused and all the police want to do is give him a ticket for causing so much trouble. In the end they settled for some free tickets and Paul kept the dog.”
“He was a good dog,” Paul stated.
“He didn’t eat your shoes,” Stephen pointed out.
“I bought you more,” Paul replied.
“Guys, I don’t think Oprah Winfrey wants to hear about the shoe thing,” Jon interjected.
“Oh, it’s fine,” Oprah informed them from her spot between Jon and Amy. “We couldn’t exactly get to all the serious stuff without first sharing some stories. It actually helps me get to know you all better. You know that, Jon. It’s what we did during our invasion of your home.”
“Jon kinda likes to forget about that,” Stephen informed her from his spot on Jon’s left. “He thought the whole thing was a little embarrassing.”
“Jon, there was nothing to be embarrassed about,” Oprah replied.
“Too late for that,” Jon muttered.
“Then maybe we should talk about tomorrow’s show,” Oprah suggested. “You all know the whole show is just going to be about Jon and Stephen’s marriage. Whatever you feel needs to be said should be said. Tell the audience what has happened. Tell them how you feel. Share it all. If it any time you think it’s going to far or there’s something you don’t want to talk about just say so.”
“What about the audience?” Stephen asked.
“What about them?” Oprah returned.
“Can they ask questions?” Stephen replied. “Because I think that’s the biggest problem here. Our actions and our words have been twisted because people like them haven’t been able to talk to us directly. And doing you’re show is the closest thing to a press conference we want to get to.”
“I can’t control their questioning,” Oprah told them. “You may get something that makes you uncomfortable.”
“Then we’ll answer it,” Jon responded with a shrug. “It’s not like they’re out there with fire and pitchforks. They have a right to ask questions and voice concerns. We aren’t going to deny them that.”
“Worse case scenario we’ll sic Amy on them,” Stephen suggested looking over at his friend.
“You’ll never hear from them again,” Amy stated.
“I think it’s wonderful you and Paul came, Amy,” Oprah said. “Did you and Paul know from the beginning Jon and Stephen were doing this?”
“No,” Paul answered. “It wasn’t until Jon came to us about the engagement party did we start knowing anything. We knew they were together. We helped them move in. We spent the occasional weekend together, but the whole marriage thing took us by surprise. It was definitely something I never expected.”
“Why is that?”
“Because Jon didn’t think it was necessary,” Amy added. “He loved Stephen. He was living with Stephen. They fought about stupid stuff and big things, they took turns making dinner, they were a couple. He didn’t care what some piece of paper said. And he really didn’t like the idea of a ring.”
“One ring to bind us,” Stephen murmured playing with his band while glancing at Jon. Jon gave him a bemused expression. “Well, now it’s two, but they totally bind us. And we’re definitely on a journey of some kind. We do have a band of some kind. I just don’t know what Mordor is exactly and there isn’t a Gollum. So…” Stephen shrugged.
“Only you would compare all this to that,” Jon commented. “Thank you.”
“For what?”
“Being you.”
“I’m good at that. I’ve had years of practice.” Jon smiled before kissing Stephen’s nose.
“See?” Amy said looking at Oprah. “You almost can’t tell they’ve been together for six years. They still act like they’re dating by doing cute shit like that. Makes me jealous. Those assholes who think they’re making fun of marriage, gay rights or anything else except the news or government’s stupidity should really take a lesson from them.”
“What would that lesson be?”
“That if you keep taking things too seriously then you won’t be able to live your life. You can’t let loose if you’re so concerned with what everyone else thinks. Jon and Stephen only want to live their life so they shared a moment with everyone hoping to prove that it didn’t matter how they did live their life. Those super serious people took it the wrong way and made them an example of everything that is wrong when they’re really an example of everything that is right.”
“Exactly,” Paul agreed. “They stood up for their rights to do something that’s only legal in so few places, which is wrong. It should have never been about legality and hiding. If people had a problem with it they could do what most people do and just ignore it. The government seems to do a pretty good job of that at times. If they don’t like it or knows it violates something they just ignore it and hope it’ll go away.”
“What our hope is now is that President Obama will try to right some of these things,” Jon put in. “It may be a bad idea to place all our eggs in one basket, but he really wants to change stuff around. I may not agree with all of his ideas, but I can do that. I can disagree with him because it’s my right to do so. Just like it should be right to marry whoever you want, but that seems to be today’s equivalent slavery. Only on a smaller scale. Maybe that was just a bad comparison.” He shook his head and gave Oprah an apologetic smile. “Sorry. It’s been a long couple of weeks.”
“No. It’s fine. I think I understand what you’re saying.” The talk show host took Jon’s left hand that was sitting on the table. She squeezed it gently giving him a reassuring expression. “You’re a good man, Jon. You’ve worked hard to get where you are and now people want to take away a part of your life. That’s not fair to anyone.”
“Well, I don’t think it’s fair Jon is stealing all the Oprah action,” Stephen interjected. Light laughter filled their dining area in the restaurant.
“You’re just jealous you’re not getting the attention,” Jon replied.
“Of course I am.”
“Don’t worry,” Jon told him. “I’ll give you plenty of attention later.”
Stephen grinned.
“Maybe we should head back to the hotel,” Paul suggested as he stood with a yawn. “I’m so wiped and we’ve got the show tomorrow.”
“You’re right,” Oprah said standing as well. The others quickly followed suit. “I forgot for a moment you all just got here. Everyone does happen to need a few hours of sleep.”
“Just a few,” Amy agreed with a grin. “Thanks for dinner.”
“Oh, it was my pleasure,” Oprah replied. “I wish we could have done it under more pleasant circumstances. Maybe when this is all over we can get together and have dinner again.”
“Come to New York and do my show,” Stephen responded. “If I ever get my show back. If I do you should totally come on.”
“Get in line. I’m booking her first,” Jon told him.
“Just because you’re a year older doesn’t mean you claim everything because you are older.”
“You wouldn’t even have a show if it weren’t for me.”
“Ow, Jon. That hurts. That really hurts.” Stephen put a hand over his heart and his bottom lip began to tremble. “I thought you loved me.”
“I do love you, you overdramatic son of a bitch.”
“You know I think I have some kind of say in this,” Oprah put in. Both men looked at her. “And I say that we get some sleep and discuss this later. I need you all rested for tomorrow. I want to hear everything you all said here tonight on the show.”
“Including the bit about my insane jealousy over you giving Jon more attention that me?” Stephen teased.
“If you must,” Oprah said with put upon expression before smiling.
“I’d put money on it,” Amy muttered.
****
Jon stared up at the ceiling in the hotel bedroom. He knew Stephen had fallen asleep at least an hour ago if the slowed breathing was any indication. It should have been easy to do the same after the plane trip where slight time travelled had been achieved, dinner with Oprah and the activity Stephen involved him in shortly after coming back to the hotel room. Except sleep wasn’t coming and he could only stare at the darkened ceiling listening to Stephen breath in and out.
Then a new sound reached his ears. The sound of his cell phone vibrating on the table next to his half of the bed. Stephen snorted as if he heard it, but didn’t wake. Jon snatched it up took a glance at the caller ID then quickly slipped out of the bed and left the room.
“Denis, what the hell are you doing calling me at three in the morning?” Jon asked as walked into the darkened living room. He quickly found a lamp to turn on before sitting down.
“I’m awake,” Denis answered.
“That’s great,” Jon replied. “Why are you calling me though?”
“Because I knew you would be too.”
“Denis, come on. I don’t have time to go around in circles with you.”
“Fine. I called to apologize.”
“Apologize? What for?”
“Being an asshole.”
“You must call people daily then,” Jon retorted.
“I meant about your whole marriage thing. I never doubted that you loved Colbert. I just thought you were doing the wrong thing, but it was the right thing apparently. You didn’t deserve any of this crap people decided to dish out. I was just another asshole who felt it was my duty to dump on you.”
“What’s new about that?” Jon asked.
“Listen, I’m apologizing. I only give about three of these out a year. Maybe four if I forgot to get a present for someone I actually like. So, either take the apology or don’t. I honestly could care less. I just wanted to let you know though that I was wrong. I’m willing to admit this. On the phone. At three in the morning. Partially drunk.”
“Ah, the catalyst,” Jon said. “You always needed a little in you to find that human side, didn’t you?”
“Hey, stuff it, Stewart. I remember a time when you needed to be a little spacey before partaking in extracurricular activities. Apparently, all you need now is some guy with an elf ear who acts like a fucking puppy most of the time.”
“Be nice, Denis. That’s my husband you’re talking about.”
“I never thought I’d hear you say that,” Denis responded. “I’m actually a little jealous of the guy. Don’t tell him though. He doesn’t need that ego inflated more than it already is.”
“I won’t.”
“And good luck on the show tomorrow. I hope it gets you the results you’re looking for.”
“Thanks, man.”
“Yeah, that’s about as sentimental as I’m going to get right now. So, go fuck yourself and I’ll see you the next time I’m in the neighborhood.”
“Bye, Denis.”
“See ya, Stewart.”
Jon hung up and stared at his cell phone for a moment. A need to get back into bed and curl up under the covers with Stephen slowly began to make its way into Jon’s brain. He stood, turned off the lamp and headed back into the bedroom. It took a little time and some reassurance from his subconscious, but he did finally manage to fall asleep with his legs intertwined with Stephen’s.
****
The first part of Oprah’s show went much like it had when the group had been talking at the restaurant with Oprah the night before. Jon and Stephen talked about how they came to their decision and what they thought of everything that came out of it. Paul and Amy jumped in with extra details and their part in it all. The second half of the show became about the audience and what they wanted to know about things the four hadn’t shared.
“I want to know when you two realized you were gay. How did your families take it?”
“Oh, that’s a good question,” Stephen commented. “I pretty much figured it out in high school. I wasn’t interested in the cheerleaders. I tried to be. That’s where I met Charlene. Not her real name, but she is the one I did write the song about. She was helpful. I owe her a lot. It wasn’t until I got into Second City though did I decide to come out to my family. So around 1990 I told my mom and she just smiled and hugged me. That’s practically what they all did. It helped that I was with Paul at the time.”
“I was there too,” Amy put in. A light chuckle went through the audience. “His mom was awesome about the whole thing. We were expecting some yelling and disownment, but instead it just turned into a big party.”
“It’s almost like they were expecting it,” Stephen said. “At least that’s what my mom said when I called her and said I was marrying Jon. I honestly don’t know how to faze that woman, but I guess after having so many kids nothing really can.”
“Your mom is great,” Jon added. “She didn’t start crying like my mom. I was a late bloomer. I’m actually bisexual, but Stephen was the only one I ever felt like I could spend the rest of my life with. My mom expected me to marry some nice Jewish girl and instead she got a nice Catholic man with a penchant for dressing like a girl.”
“That was like twice,” Stephen objected. “I’m not a cross dresser. And I have absolutely nothing against them. I just lost the figure a while back. Though I still look good in a pair of heels.” He lifted up his right pant leg and flexed his calf muscles. “Look at that. How can I avoid showing that off?”
“Thank you, Stephen,” Oprah said. “Next question.” She pointed to a young woman in a Loyola sweatshirt. “Yes?”
“I want to know what you two are going to do if Comedy Central decides to actually cancel your shows.”
“We aren’t really sure right now,” Jon admitted. “I’m actually a little more worried about the people who did the shows with us. The correspondents, producers, the writers and the crew. They’ve been sitting on their hands with our shows on hiatus and right now are practically being blacklisted because of us. I’d like them to have some kind of future. What happens to myself and Stephen doesn’t really matter at the moment. We love our shows, but if they don’t want us back then I’m sure there are a number of other networks that will take us or we could always do our own thing. There’s no urgency to that right now. I also feel bad for the fans if they do cancel us because they helped make our shows what they are. They’re the ones that got Stephen a bridge in Hungary and they were the ones who have been supporting us so much during this time.”
“I really do love our fans,” Stephen stated. “As willing as they are to listen to my alter ego they are also people who feel passionate about what has happened. I’ve been so surprised at hearing what they’ve done to support us. I really shouldn’t be, but I still am. If anything I’d like to shake each of their hands personally. They may just have to settle for large thank you card though.” He looked at Jon before turning back to the young woman. “And like Jon said we aren’t making any decisions right now about future projects. There’s an endless number of possibilities, but I do hope that Comedy Central and Viacom will take us back. We’ve spent over ten years there making fun of people, the government and the president I’d hate to think what would happen without us.”
“Anarchy,” Paul said. “I definitely see anarchy.”
“Ma’am,” Oprah said as she pointed to an older woman in a red sweater sitting in the front row.
“This is for Paul and Amy.”
“Yay. Question.” Amy bounced in her seat as Paul gently patted her head.
“Were you surprised?”
“About what?” Amy asked.
“Any of it.”
“Actually, we really weren’t,” Paul replied. “The marriage thing had been tossed around the moment they moved in together after about the second year, but even despite Jon shooting it down it always kinda hung in there. And the other thing is that I’ve stopped being that surprised or astonished with anything Stephen has done.”
“Thanks,” Stephen muttered with an eyeroll followed by a grin.
“I mean that you’ve always been destined for great things,” Paul informed him. “I think that’s why I really hated you when we first met. I could tell you would succeed. That you would keep raising the bar making it difficult for people to catch up and then you met Jon and you two almost became unstoppable. I get flabbergasted at the things you get people to do though. You have an ability to get people to do things they would normally never do. Like the time you got Jon to jump out of a plane.”
“I still haven’t forgiven him for that.”
“I remember that trip,” Amy said. She bounced in her seat. “We were in Las Vegas for a little getaway. Stephen wanted to do something different than just gambling and gawking at the gaudiness that is Las Vegas. Somehow we got to the parachuting thing and the next day we’re jumping out a plane. Jon yelled at Stephen all the way down. Definitely one of my favorite trips.” She smiled at Jon who frowned back before focusing back on the woman who asked the question. “But like Paul said we really weren’t that surprised. Just excited about the planning. It had to be so precise. It was all a challenge and we gladly accepted it.”
“Yes, sir?” Oprah pointed to a gentleman near the back wearing a blue polo and khakis.
“I’d like to know what you expect to happen after this. Is your ultimate goal to change the mind of an entire nation?”
“No,” Jon replied. “You can think whatever you want. You can be anti-gay or pro-gay. I could really care less. I don’t want to change minds. I just don’t want people standing in front of crowds trying to convince them homosexuals or bisexuals or anyone who loves people differently from just the typical man and woman marriage are destroying this nation. I can list books filled with things that have put people at odds in America long before the thoughts concerning homosexuality or bisexuality or transgenderism even crossed people’s minds.
“Do you realize we had a war about slavery right here? Half of this country wanted it and half of it didn’t. Brothers were pitted against each other to fight a battle they may not have even wanted to be in. I don’t want that. I hate finding out about people who have to hide because they know their family will disown them because their family members believe some of the crap that comes out of people’s mouths.”
Jon stood up and moved a bit towards the edge of the stage.
“Do you think it’s a disease? Because it’s not. You can’t catch it. Do you think its destroying society? It’s not. Society has other problems like gangs, drugs and poverty where there should be any. Do you think homosexual parents force their ideals on their children? They don’t. They just raise their kids in the best way they know and love their kids for whatever decision they make about their orientation.” Jon glanced back at Stephen before looking back at the audience. “Stephen and I aren’t going to try and change everyone’s mind. We just want people to think a minute. Consider what it would be like to be in our shoes. We were hurt with more than just words because of what we believed in, but we were the lucky ones because we’ve been able to come here and talk about it. There are those who never got that opportunity. There are those others speak on the behalf of them. We’re speaking for ourselves and for them.”
Jon jumped a little as he felt a hand slide into his left one. He looked to his left and Stephen smiled at him.
“We just want what everyone else has,” Stephen said. “We just want to be able to love each other. It shouldn’t matter that we’re both the same gender. It shouldn’t matter that there’s a label. We’re all still people no matter what. Unless you happen to be an alien from outer space, but if you’re here and you’re happy as a human being then I wish you the best of luck.”
Jon smirked at the light laughter from the audience.
“All we ask is for acceptance,” Stephen continued. “Accept us for what who we are. And if you can’t accept us then that’s fine. But doing that because of a few facts that are utterly unfounded is wrong. As Jon said that’s how much of this started. That’s why feuds and wars often began. It’s how people are unfairly hurt and forced to hide who they are. Keep in mind it’s not just adults you’re hurting. There are confused kids out there and one might even be yours. Talk to them. Let them be who they think they are and don’t ever punish them for that.”
The audience broke into applause and Jon didn’t think he deserved it, but he stood there with Stephen next to him trying to compute everything.
“Even if nothing comes out of this we’ll have some interesting memories,” Stephen spoke into Jon’s ear.
“I can accept that,” Jon returned.
He didn’t hear Oprah announce a commercial break as Stephen kissed him without warning, but Jon definitely wasn’t going to complain.
